How many times have you blamed others for your bad day? Blame and excuses are two of the thieves of progress. As long as it is someone else’s fault my hands are tied. I can’t change until they do. I’m off the hook of having to change and have become a victim that can only move forward when the cause of my frustration does. Wait, you mean my joy now depends on someone that upsets me?
Or, I excuse my lack of control because you made me mad. I’m such a “good” person I would NEVER act like this if you hadn’t provoked me. It’s them, the weather, my parent’s, the way I was raised, the cat, my boss, the guy who cut me off in traffic…you get the picture. Maybe someone is just reminding you of how someone else hurt you in the past. If you haven’t been there, thanks for reading you can stop here. BUT, if you have, here’s something that helped me.
“Give others permission to have a bad day without having to fix it or join them.”
When my children were small and there were five of us under one roof hardly a day passed without someone having a good reason to have a bad day. Because I was the mother, my guilt meter was quick to kick in and I was sure I was the reason for the bad day. If I was responsible, then certainly it was my responsibility to fix it. In my effort to fix it, it didn’t take long before I had fully enraged (oops, I mean engaged) and jumped in the ring with the disheartened party. Now with someone to spar with, the battle gained intensity and before you know it, all 5 members of the family had been tagged and were vying for a spot in the ring. Oh, what a circus!
Some of my greatest freedom came when I decided (not out loud) to give other members of my family permission to have a bad day without me having to fix it or get in the ring with them. The strangest thing happened, when I removed the distraction of the fuel my anxiety added, the “fire” died out so so much quicker. Instead of trying to fix, I appealed to the One who really did understand the situation and asked that God would help them and many times, the conflict ended before everybody was involved.
Sometimes the person I had to give permission to have a bad day was me. In those cases I began to look to God to help me assimilate the emotions that were raging, begging Him to help me not take the “seeming” short cut of blame and excuses but rather responsibility for my emotions and my actions. Even as I type this I can hear my mom saying, “When it comes to judgement day, Debbie (my child hood best friend and person I would use to try to get my way) won’t be there, you will stand there all by yourself, Peggy.”
Blame leads to shame (that topic is for another day) just like it did in the Garden when Adam and Eve were asked if they had eaten the forbidden fruit. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent just laughed and said, “Mission Accomplished.”
God has freedom for YOU, and it is not dependent on if someone else changes. They may never change. Are you content to live the rest of your precious gift from God –LIFE –stopped because someone else won’t change?
Philippians 2:13 tells me (not someone else) to work out my OWN salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who is at work in me to will and to act according to His good purpose. Romans 8:28 assures me that God is able to cause ALL things to work together for His glory and my good for those who love Him. I may not be able to see it now (Proverbs 3:5-6) but I am TRUSTING that in an hour, a day, a week, a year or more God will indeed work ALL together for His glory and my good.
I really can’t do this on my own, the emotions come to quick and too strong for me to control them on my own but through Christ (Philippians 4:13) I CAN! Won’t you join me this week. Give yourselves and others permission to have a bad day without having to fix them or join them.
Let me know if this helps you. If you have a topic you want me to talk about, please leave it in the comments below.
Believing for a fruitful 2018.